Here We Go

When you tell somebody you're going to quit work and stay home with your kids you get a few different reactions.   You get the people who truly get it and are genuinely happy for you and then you get the people who say absolutely nothing at all.   I get more of the later... which leaves me reaching for an explanation and an overwhelming feeling of guilt.


 There it is, the guilt, it's everywhere.  I feel guilty for working,  for not having time with my kids at night, for rushing my kids all the time, for not being better organized so I  can manage it all. I feel guilty for not working, for not bringing in the income,  for wanting something more for myself,  for my family.  You get the idea, it's just well...consuming.  I feel like I do a lot of things but I don't do any of them well.  Like a red hot mess...

I love what I do at work, I'm an office manger at a real estate office.  I do plan on keeping my real estate license active but the current situation isn't working for me and is leaving me feeling a little burnt out.  My husband is a lineman apprentice so he works out of town a lot, by a lot I mean he comes home on the weekends if he's lucky.  After three years of that arrangement I'm a little burnt out on that front too.

I didn't go into this lightly I crunched my numbers and we can make it, it may not always be pretty, but it can be done.  I'm nervous, yes, but  I hope my family will gain so much that we won't mind the cutbacks.  Sure I have dreams of birds singing, rainbows,  neat little children, a spotless home, and perfectly cooked meals but I know that's not the reality.  I know there will be days when I want to lock myself in the bathroom, and yell "Beam me up Scottie!".  There will be days when I will be starving for big people conversation.  That's why I started this blog I hope it will give me some connection to the outside world, maybe connect with other moms in my situation. 

I'm leaning as I go with this blog so it won't be pretty either, neither will my grammar, spelling, and punctuation. Yes, I feel guilty about that too.